Finding my way into the light

[Holding]

Belated thanks to J9, Neffer, and Dusty for the replies!

Last night I had a second date. Let's call her SG. The second date is rare from my OLD experience - this is the fourth time out of 17 it's happened. Though I feel like I had to do a fair amount of pursuit and initiation to get to this second date with SG. Maybe she's shy. And she's new at this. (Or maybe I'm making excuses )

SG's an introvert like me. She also described herself as a little nerdy, and I just think it's the cutest thing ever! I thought about kissing her during the date (kept looking at her mouth), but I guess I'm not that good at making "the move", so I waited till the end. It was a nice kiss, very relaxed. I can't recall a single date I've been on where there was a kiss on the first date. A lot of guy friends tell me I need to be more proactive on that. Not sure about that, since my IC told me I should be more accepting of who I really am. Then again, I don't want to repeat the mistakes of the past.

Anyway, here's the catch with SG. Her D is not yet final - this is usually a hard stop for me. She's separated, the marital home has been sold, and she was supposed to be done about a month ago, but there's been a delay with the paperwork. I understand what that's like - I actually started going on dates a few weeks before the decree was signed, but in my case the D had already been "granted" by the court. So wondering if I'm being a hypocrite here, or trying to justify why this might not work so I can spare myself some pain down the line, taking the easy way out, etc....

I've had women treat me like a hot potato when I mentioned how recent my D was. I wonder if there's any wisdom in that. Looking back, I do know that the for the first few dates I went on, the experience of going on the date was its own reward, and I've slowly come to have my feelings unlocked and find myself actually ready for something real now. I'm more aware of the other person's feelings and how there's a potential for pain and loss for both of us.

I know we all move at different speeds in terms of dealing with D and being ready for something. An important part I think is the introspection and self-examination.

No real question here. Just putting some ramblings down on paper and mulling things over.