Ok, so seems like there has been a shift in my WW's mood over the past few days. Last week, she was saying all the right things, like "choosing us", and being willing to answer all my questions, etc. But the last couple days she's been distant, cold, and almost standoffish. I've been working my detachment and GAL, but was looking forward to having her answer some questions I've had about the length and scope of her affair. I've been careful not to put much weight on her words as I know better than to believe her, but it seems clear she's having second thoughts about coming clean.
She's had contact with him. Your MR doesn't stand a chance as long as she's working with him. She can't get through the withdrawals, b/c she sees him at work. It doesn't matter what OM's W says about him. Your W's first move in showing that she is serious about saving her M, is to leave that work location. It should not be okay with you that she and OM are working together. Do you understand how this feeds her affair addiction? Even if they aren't engaged in a PA, you can bet the EA is going strong! She has to go through withdrawals, which is impossible when she's seeing him at work.
She would like to act as if her affair was just a mistake, and move forward. It was more than just a mistake. She betrayed you for a long time. This requires healing. I know by the answers she's giving that she is not serious about saving the M, yet. I know by her responses, and how she still wants to focus on your negative issues......she's not serious, yet. I know b/c she is still working with OM. This MR will need serious therapy to guide both of you to a healthy place again. But first, she's got to get serious about saving it, and she's not.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
