Job, you raise so many points I've been pondering and trying to decide for me what is best to handle. Gordie I have not seen him but we had a long call. Maybe you guys can help me figure out what is going on or what I should do here. I am torn.

I can see that he can't handle not knowing what is going on here. Keep in mind I have no idea what he is doing and never have.

I do think having some communication with him makes him stop all of the stalking stuff. But how is that not cake eating, even if a very small portion of cake. I don't need to know anything about him. I'm ready to close this book for good. How does letting him carry on his super fun life and check in here to keep him calm help him or anyone else? How is it overcoming his abandonment issues so he can resolve the divorce. I think all it does is salve his wounds so he can carry on in limbo indefinitely.

I'm sick of him threatening divorce, and now using crappy letters from his lawyer to get my attention when he clearly has no ability to follow through. I offered a resolution by year end which he should be clamoring for. He uncharacteristically said we could meet to do an agreement, but then backpedaled and said he was too busy and needed a call first (he had the whole week off and only claimed to be busy 2 of the days). I said it really needs to be done in person and let me know when you can do it. Crickets on that. Once we communicated, no mention of the divorce or wrapping it up. We were on the phone for something like 40 mins about the S issue. After the initial snottiness, it was like talking to my old H. No mention of the divorce at all. Not one mention of D either.

He has gone from blocking me and refusing to respond to me at all to suddenly being warm and friendly on the phone, unblocking me, and then immediately responding to a time change text about a meeting with S a week away, and using an upbeat and friendly/informal tone. I think I've repeatedly mentioned how he is normally cold, unresponsive, and if he communicates with me at all it usually something bordering Shakespearean speech.

Job I don't think he is going to get anywhere near that divorce. I haven't heard anything more from his lawyer and nor has mine. I haven't gotten the discovery his lawyer said he would send if we didn't respond (I have no problems with him taking discovery--at least it would be moving forward in some direction and the process the lawyer proposed was ridiculous and clearly only intended to make him and his crony experts a pretty penny, while limiting inquiry to a few of the matters in the case and ignoring the huge ones).

On your three scenarios Job:

1. Yes, I can see the holidays having an impact. In his family there was always a Christmas thaw for the battling factions so in addition to how cluster B's handle this time of year, there could be some major FOO stuff going on there too;

2. If the point of nice-ing me up is for the divorce, he isn't doing a good job since I've tried to push that agenda and he avoids it like the plague. Maybe he wants to buy a house so he can get out of that sty and have some more room to hide from her and her kids. If we aren't divorced, he needs my consent (which he'll never get--why would I consent to anything when he can do whatever he wants after divorce). I raise this possibility because he was accusing me of buying in property in May and I saw that as projection. Maybe he wants to get rid of his car (fixed now according to the insurance co) and I'm on title. I was the one, yet again, who asked him to see S, but only because he is really struggling right now and even the school is raising concerns, so it can't be that;

3. Yes, he often gets nice when he has done something awful. But this time the nice feels different. Usually he pays extra money or something else that isn't very personal, not unblocks me and communicates like a human. Also, there was no indication of nice during the recent stalk-fest.

Maybe he is just messing with me, and is like I've done nasty long enough, I'll try to be nicer for a bit to freak her out. I'm not that freaked out, just still annoyed by the games and the inability to move forward. I have three trials in mid December across the country so nothing is going to get done in December and then it won't matter because of the tax change.