Day three of my tournament and I am starting to feel like my old self. Huge emotional boost to see so many people that I haven’t seen in awhile. I have no associations of my H in my “pool world” so it is like having five days off from my regular life. I was supposed to have my kids overnight but I knew I was going to be out super late so I texted my H yesterday to ask if he could take the kids and extra night and he said yes right away. I texted with them last night to say goodnight. My daughter sent me all kinds of “I love you” texts and that she missed me. That part was a little tough...knowing that their new normal is gong to involve missing me every other weekend. I know they will adjust but it still really s*cks...that their world has to change like this and they get no choice in the matter. But...focusing on this only makes me upset so I am choosing to focus on figuring out what kinds of GAL activities I can do on my weekends without them.
Five weeks until Christmas. My H and I still have not talked about what that is going to look like. I am not looking forward to that conversation. The only thing we have talked about is whether to get them gifts separately or together. I was actually a little bit surprised he said “together” right away because I would have expected him to say separately if he is so dead set on divorce. But...that is analyzing what he is doing so I’ve decided not to worry about it. I HAVE invited a few people to my house for NYE and everyone I’ve asked has said they will come. I’ve decided to keep it to a smallish number and mostly invite people that I play pool with as I want my pool table to get lots of use that night. Anything to keep my mind off of what my H is doing.
Been thinking a lot about my 180s. The first most obvious one for me is to acknowledge and thank my H when he does something to help me without pointing out where he may not have done it perfectly. I.e. “thank you for unloading the dishwasher” minus the “did you have to drip water all over the floor.” Another one is to get my butt off the couch so whenever he shows up, the tv is off and I’m doing something constructive. This is also something I’m doing for me as I realize I had turned into a couch potato while I was “waiting” for him to “get better” and come home. I am also working on listening to him without inserting my opinion or dismissing his as being off. As much as I understand validating and practice it professionally, it is something I have struggled to do with my H. So those are my big three.
I am wondering if those of you who are following my thread might be so kind as to tell me what some of your 180s are...in case there are some I haven’t thought of that I should be doing. I think that would be very helpful.
Well... off to play some more pool. Love and (((HUGS))) to you all!!!
