13 yrs and two kids pt. 2.

[sandi2]

Originally Posted by neffer

Disrespect is seeing OM while still M. You need to be strong H, no steps back. Time and patience. Keep DB.

As stated in the beginning of my threat, we aren't married, but have been living together for 13 years, and practically as if married - Just for your info, if you had missed it. So in fairness she is my ex, as she ended things, but we still live under the same roof, I don't know if your advice still applies.

I think the advice regarding respect basically stands. She has no respect for you as a man....and certainly not as her H. (For a wife, that type of respect is two-fold). It makes her lack of respect in you as her H more complicated, since you never legally M her. I would have to wonder if she didn't have some deep resentment that she bore you three children, yet you never married her. Anyway, if you lived as man and wife together for 13 yrs, then the law probably considers her having the same rights as a legal wedded W. If you haven't checked it out, you need to seek legal advice, ASAP.

After the visit, I went to pick up my kids, and we went for a walk in the city and looked at the beautiful christmas lights. I bought a pair of shoes, that I have been wanting for a while.

WW texted and asked when we would be getting home, so she could prepare dinner for the kids. She then asked me when we came in the door, if I would be going tonight again - I just said "yes". I told her some information that I had gotten in the daycare that she needed, and else I talked with the kids. I bathed the kids, then I sat down for 30 minutes with my kids and just laughed and had a good time. The youngest was really tired so I went into his room to tug him in (WW sleeps in there and has all her possessions there).

Okay, that's good. I get a little confused on whose week it is to keep the kids.

I noticed next to his bed, that there was a suitcase packed. I had a look, and yea [censored] me, I shouldn't have. It was filled with lingerie and stuff. She is going tomorrow to OM, and apparently its only to get laid, and then she planned on returning home.

I was really angry, even though im trying to play it cool.

I told her to come into the kitchen and said that I ment every word I had spilled yesterday about being so through with her. That it was so disgusting that she went out and did this is OM, who was not even into her (I SHOULD NOT HAVE TALKED ABOUT HIM, I know....) I said that our finances were being distributed and I needed her at the house saturday morning to do that (I also need to hit the gym). Other than that, I was not kidding when I informed her that she should find another place to stay, cause we didn't need her at the house. I also told her that I would not be coming to her mothers after the birthday party, and her mother knew why (She just smiled like "whatever"). Her answer to my statements were just "yes / no", and she didn't care at all.

It was not necessary to repeat what was previously said to her. This all came about as a result of you being angry when finding her lingerie & stuff. Although you were trying hard to play it cool......I think that's what led to the talk. This time, she was the one who came off keep her cool (even smiled to show that none of it bothered her).

She then said that she owned half the house, and therefore could come and go as she pleased - I didn't answer. I told her that the last nail in the coffin, was her getting on that birth control pill.

Well, sounds as if she's been doing her homework. Do you have a lawyer who will fight for "father's rights"?

I sat down a boundary with the advice from Sandi, and dumped her.

Just to clarify, what was your boundary you set?

She looked at me like nothing I said yesterday mattered, and it had no impact on her - I think it really just set me back, and pushed her into the arms of OM. Therefore, I am not going to bring it up again, unless she breaks my boundaries about talking to me about OM.

She's not listening to anything you say. The WW only notices action from her LBH. So, I agree that you should not have any more of these talks.

I plan to not be in the house with her when the kids are sleeping.

I plan to not engage or start any conversations related to OM, my whereabouts at night, or our relationship (whatever it is at this point)

I plan to and promise to go out and try things I have never tried before (not talking about reckless stuff here) but simply to expand on my social circle, and try new things.

I plan to work on making a change to the things about me, that I really want to work with (insecurity / social fobia highest on that list).

I plan to do things that make me happy.

I plan to secure my self in case she pulls the hand break and does something stupid as [censored].

Good goals. Next step is break them down into how you accomplish each one.