Re: Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 5

[Davide]

Thanks folks! I really appreciate the information.

I was advised by people on this forum (Vanilla in particular) that it was best NOT to split the accounts entirely because I could still end up owing her a split of money later when it came time to D. I'm really not worried about that at this point. Like I said, I am 100% confident that neither of us is going to screw the other one out of money. I'll keep thinking about that, but I think that is something that can be resolved once we get into the D process. Technically we can't D for another 5 months (1 year separation period) but I believe that if we both agree to say that we separated earlier the state doesn't actually care or check.

The quit claim on the house is an interesting idea that I will look into. I wonder how expensive that is. I don't know if I will end up selling it at the end of the school year or staying in it. The problematic issue if I want to stay is that the house has basically doubled in value in the 6 years we have had it (generally a good problem to have) so it would be difficult to buy her share out if I want to stay.

I struggle with the fairness of splitting the house/assets. My parents helped out a lot by giving us the down payment on the house, and I would strongly prefer to pay them back before splitting the house. Also, my W was not working fulltime for the first 3 years we were here and I supported her financially (and emotionally) throughout. It is hard for me to get out of the mindset that she shouldn't get to cake-eat by having my support then and taking the money that I contributed to our savings and house now. I also recognize that my line of thinking might be controlling. This is one of the few aspects of the situation that I have control over and can stand up for myself. I want to make sure that I am coming at it from the right place and not one of vengeance or control. Solo, you make a good point about investing in hopes and dreams that you don't regret. I don't either, but regardless of that, they are gone.

Regarding the text message, I would definitely respond to a acquaintance who sent me a text like that - it was an attempt to extend the conversation. But I don't think I will in this case. It's not really a question of cake-eating, but more that I still feel better and healthier when not interacting with her. My mind is clearer and I can focus better on the future and my values.