I have just caught up on your sitch. I am sorry that you have gone through, and are still going through, this but you sound like you have been using the time wisely and working on yourself.
It is OK to feel shocked - even after ten months of virtually no contact. We prepare for it mentally and emotionally, but when it hits, all that preparing amounts to not a lot. But the pain and shock won't last as long.
I would ask you to try and forgive your wife. You have all the tools to successfully move on with your life. But, try and look back at her lovingly (but without the rose tinted glasses we all wear when they leave us). Once you can look back without regret and without blame (forgive yourself too) then you know you have moved on.
FS
Thanks, FS. I literally have to forgive my wife and her family everyday. It’s the only way for me to not get bitter.
Woke up this morning and am doing extremely well. Didn’t expect that. I think knowing the limbo is coming to an end helps. I’m still sad my wife wasn’t willing to put in the work. At the same time, I’m given another chance to find my life partner (not focused on this now and won’t be for a while). The W I fell in love with is long gone, and as many told me months ago, I was dodging a bullet. Doesn’t make it any easier obviously. I know what I need to be better at in my next M if that’s in the cards. The biggest thing I need to work on is forgiving myself for my own shortcomings in my M. It’s harder for me to forgive myself than my wife, which is an issue I’m addressing in IC.
