Reading your situation just stirs me up inside, so familiar.
Only difference is my husband has left physically and come back a number of times to pursue his fantasy life/affair. But he always keeps constant contact as though we are still "together" even while gone. Once he returns he is distant emotionally but wants hugs and is kind to me, but secretive.
When I read your interactions it very much sounds like ours, including the time line except this is our second round; which is much harsher than the first. It sounds like she may be a clinging boomerang type, like mine is. They don't want to let you go but don't want to commit either. The thing with MLC is they can be in multiple stages at one time and it makes it confusing to navigate. I can relate very much to your feelings. People say to detach and to not focus on them but it is hard when you can clearly see they need you and do want your attention. Also because they give you hope with politeness and appreciation it just feels like your being mean by doing 180 and detaching behaviour. If the desire is to keep family together, I have such a hard time with doing my own thing and not being concerned with my H. I just find the connection is important if they are keeping connected. Chasing after the connection when they clearly don't desire it; I can understand pulling back for them to come to you and to stay out of the drama. But, if they are present but in inner turmoil and not projecting it on you anymore, it makes it hard to be patient and detach. For me anyways.
Watching the sky for the space shuttle return...relief, lights at last BD May/12 (37, H41- D18 D13 S11) July 2012 ILYBNILY reconcile oct/12 no AP 2nd BD Jan/18 start again Original AP
