As a follow up to Amoawful's post, I would suggest you stop telling them how to act with regards to your wife, let them go through the pain and anger they will have. They need to ride this out as much as you do. Each one in his own way.
I also imagine that at some point your wife may find anger from her kids addressed at her and will try to involve you. I recommend you let her fight her own battles and do not get involved either to defend your kids' reactions or try to get them to "like" her. You have enough on your plate already.
In my own parents divorce the problems were never directed at me nor was I the cause but I still felt the pain of watching two people who loved each other now destroy each other. Watch how the bubble that I lived in of happiness and security was torn away. None of them were mad at me but i still faced the same results and consequences as well as watch helplessly as life as I knew it disappeared.
So no, she is not doing this to hurt them nor hurt you but she is hurting both.
