Figuring Out What Comes Next

[DonH]

Struggling a bit to accurately describe the past week and now into this week. I'm clearly not depressed, not even really dealing with any one thing that is bothering me - I guess it's just all getting old again. I'm getting back to feeling like a thread title I had a few back - "this used to be a lot easier and a lot more fun." I so want June, July and August back!

I'm trying to do more GAL although perhaps instead of just doing lighthearted, fun things, I've had more deeper discussions with some friends. Meeting another tonight who I've not seen in 10 months and I know we'll both be catching the other up on everything that has gone on since we last hung out.

Yesterday I was with a long time friend. She's the one that was going to introduce me to/set me up with - whatever you want to call it - the college assistant dean. This friend the type the sees the good in everyone and gives people the BOTD. Even she said it seemed like I was becoming a magnet for the dysfunctional. Or am I choosing them? That was my question.

She also had me realize I have more "deal-breakers" than I thought I did. They are just obvious to me - so I never really thought of them as "deal-breakers" but clearly they are. Such as wanting to have a child. That truly is a deal breaker for me. Wanting to move out of this area - yet another. I had prided myself on being open minded enough to only have 2.5 but we identified over a half dozen already. That's still not bad but I'm sure there are more so clearly I'm even more picky than I thought I was.

Updating on the "juggling" I did for a night last week, that has completely turned around. No change on Wild Girl - although my friend had heard from her through social media a week or two ago with WG talking about the cruise. LOL Okay then. Online Girl after telling me she thinks I'm very handsome (I don't agree with the very part for sure) and "I really like you" has not responded since Sunday. She starts a new job this Monday but has to do 3rd shift for 3 to 6 months. As we were texting Sunday night just shortly before she was heading to bed I told her "I'd love to get together again if you have the time since I'm guessing your first weeks will take some adjusting for you. I've got a pretty light week." Her response... "K! Thanks!" Huh? Okay, thanks? I responded "????? Not sure what that means LOL" No response since. Okay, thanks, I guess.

I therefore thought the timing was good to inquire more about the college dean. The history here is my friend casually mentioned "someone" to me but said they were newly D'd and not ready to date. I can't remember how long ago that was. I thought it was end of summer - friend thinks it was much longer than that. I then happened to see some pics and did some stalking to find out more. I was/am very interested. This is a quality woman, PhD, 3 kids all in college, very amicable D where they just grew apart is the report. Purchased a lake home 10 minutes from me. Very girl next door attractive. So, I thought, good fit. "She'd be perfect for you" says my friend - although she's said that before. Followed by, but she started dating someone a month or two ago. I know I should not, but I felt so deflated. So clearly it was not too soon to start dating post D - she just didn't want to date me. No I don't know that for sure but I strongly feel it.

The good ones, far and few between as they are, are not available for long. Which leaves the Wild Girls and Online girls and at least another dozen I could tell you about of the world that I've met in the last years. I'm sorry but I just can't see it much differently. We have talked about everyone having baggage, etc. but it's just sooooooo elusive to find someone that I want to date who is normal and grounded and also wants to date me. My friend brought up for the second or third time someone else in this group of friends that would be thrilled to go out with me. I'm sure she's nice but we've all seen the girl who all of her friends are attractive, dress well, get hit on and then there is the friend of the group who never does - that's this girl. PhD Dean may be just as out of my league as this girl is of mine. Blunt, bold, arrogant, mean, whatever, that's just the bottom line as I see it.

I'm hoping my GAL tonight makes me feel better. I'm clearly not in a FWB mood and I sense her life has not gone super well lately either. I hope I'm wrong but she has not seemed herself in our last conversations the past months. Hopefully I'll have happier things to write about. Also need to try to make more plans for this weekend. Although I've only got Saturday open so I guess Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday is still pretty good GAL. Why isn't it helping?