I hear you both on the 90/10 stuff. I too have the same mindset.
But,
No matter how much WE try (pursuit) to make the 10% good, we always fail.
Originally Posted by RyanHun
I also struggle greatly with the question "Why not just leave?". I would really like to ask her If myself and our marriage was so bad and you were this unhappy why have you not left yet? Why do you not seem to have any plan for actually getting a divorce?
Because she really does not know what she wants. And it's not up to you to decide that. Believe me, I have thrown that and variants of "Why are you doing <stuff>? I still throw out that question. It's less frequent, and it may have gotten to the point where I don't really care. That's her BS to deal with.
I, like you, am also open to R. I would love that. But I am also learning that it is not as simple of saying "Ok. Let's get back together.", because that will guarantee failure. They are going to have to earn that.
