I am doing my best. Everyone going through this with kids knows how hard it is. My children are very stressed out because mom is acting so weird. I spoke with my kids this morning after she left. Unfortunately S11 and D16 know what she is doing because she pretty much told them. They are mad at her. I told them not to be mad because she isnt doing this to hurt them. I told them to just focus on school. I asked them to tell me that if they were getting to upset with the situation. My kids come first. I asked them how they felt right now. Right now they are mad at what she did, but they are ok with the living situation and still comfortable. I told them to not think or talk about anything that WW is doing and to just spend time with mom if she wants to do that, because their relationship with her is important as well. I told them that they need to keep in contact with me about how they feel. I need to know if they are too stressed out by the situation. As of now, they are mad, but they are not feeling like I do. I confirmed that my S11 and D16 are ok with her living upstairs and me downstairs. They understand that I will not fight with her and that I will not cause any issues to stress them out.
I told them to tell me if they just can't take it anymore. If they get too stressed out and it starts having a huge impact I will have to go ahead and do what I need to do to protect them. They are first, I am second. My MR is not even on the table right now.
Please be careful with how much you share with your kids. It sounds a lot like you are trying to "recruit" them. To paint your W as the bad guy and that the three of you are in this together. Im also confused by what you mean when they say they "cant take it." Why arent you doing what you need to do right now? You know what I mean? Like is picking up and moving out LESS stressful for them? I have my doubts.
Id also caution you to practice validation with kids as well. Let them talk and feel. The spot I bolded looks very invalidating. How can you help them understand and process their anger. Telling them not to be angry doesnt seem like a way that they will continue to open up to you.
