Another good start to the day. Hoping it lasts for awhile.
IC went well. We talked about surrendering and letting go (detach) of W, of the sitch, and control things that in our power. I posted an analogy in burned's thread that best describes the healing process:
Quote
BD is the equivalent of the beginning of a deep wound. What follows afterward (discovery of details, fights, etc.) is equivalent of the wound getting deeper and the worsening of the injury. The cutting/stabbing/scraping/burning/(insert your own injury description), etc. stops when the S process starts.
The process which we call DBing is dressing the wound. And at first, you’re just trying to get the bleeding to stop, which it eventually does. And the wound then begins to start the repair process. Blood clotting, removing infection, scabbing, and so forth. Then eventually you have to take off the bandages and expose the wound again. More pain. More blood loss. So you clean it the wound (DBing) and dress it again to stop the bleeding. You do this many times over weeks, months, or longer. Over time, the healing process continues, and you have to dress it less and less. The wound eventually closes. The pain eventually stops. And you are left with a scar that serves as a reminder of the events you endured.
I was told repeatedly by IC that W is not a "bitch" and the pain she is causing is not because she is malicious or evil, even if it feels that way. It is a byproduct of her waywardness, jacked up by the high she is getting from the A, late dancing, etc. He told me about my W wanting to "eventually open up to me". I recall Sandi telling me to be ready for the D convo, but did not get any other viewpoints. IC told me to shut it down quickly as I myself am very sensitive and hurt by her actions and me coming in and being a shoulder to cry on will only be cake-eating. I told him that I will listen and validate, but will treat her words as suspicious and keep distant. It was a better IC session.
I drove back to work and was appreciated by the CEO for staying late to get a job done. Told him I like the work, and I like to see it finished. Afterwards, I got stuck on my GAL plans. Went to Meetup and found a "Intro to meditation" class 10 minutes away. Went to the class and...oh my goodness. It was AMAZING. I have a meditation technique I want to employ and planning on using some of my GAL evenings to attend a meditation session weekly.
Finished meditating, said my late prayers, and walked around a grocery store looking for dinner. Grabbed dinner, ate in the car, drove around some more looking for dessert. Found dessert...ate A LOT of it, and ended the evening.
Called my mom this morning. She told me to never give up, but let her figure things out and leave the rest to God's hands. Just pray for her fog to be lifted (or the devil to release her from his influences).
Question for you folks: What actions she will demonstrate if she is truly remorseful? I will not trust her if she says "sorry" or "Can we start on being us again?" or any other variant (trust nothing she says). There is no guarantee that the convo will happen, but I need to make sure I at least have the knowledge and the practice to say/do the appropriate things if this event occurs.
