I don't know how you have the patience to deal w/your xw and her crazing-making behavior. I guess I am missing something here, but didn't she have her lawyer advise you at some point, a while a go, to work through her lawyer when it came to anything having to do w/the girls? It sounds to me like the lawyer and your xw are definitely not on the same page.
As for wanting the girls to reach out to her first...she's not only afraid to reach out herself, but she has a lot of guilt and shame for what she's done. The longer this lack of communication goes, the more bitter your xw will become. As for the girls...it's up to them if they want to contact her and she doesn't get it...she's the problem. The girls have done nothing wrong...she's the one that walked out...poor, sad woman. She has missed out on being a part of the girls' lives.
I hope that her lawyer realizes that she doesn't know which end is up and advise her that you can't have it both ways. It won't be long and that lawyer is going to tell her to go take a hike.
I agree, sainthood is in the cards for you. You've been a steady and stable lifeline for your girls. Hang in there because your xw will come out from under that huge rock again very soon because the holidays are approaching and she's going to feel the need to do something to remind all of you that she's still out there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
