The first day of my tournament wasn’t so good. It was the day of Scotch Doubles (you and your partner alternate shots). I played with my BIL...this is to prevent my sister and him from divorcing which is what would happen if they played together...lol. Anyway... every year I play with my BIL, I always say I’m not going to play with him again [we just don’t mesh] but then every year I feel bad and give it another try. THIS time, I am definitely done. I love him but we do not bring out the best in each other as Scotch Doubles partners and he misses at the strangest times in the weirdest ways. Anyway... I was also feeling down from the night before so it did not go well. But...tomorrow is singles play so I only have myself to rely on and I feel pretty good. As long as my sister and I are on opposite sides of the draw, I will be happy. The weekend is team play which is my favourite event. I play with my sister and two friends. We play other teams and it is a whole lot of fun.
So I saw my H tonight. He was at the house when I came home. My sister was with me so he was pretty quick to the door. He said he had been sticking around cause he thought I wanted to chat. I don’t remember saying that but we talked outside for a few minutes. We talked a bit about the coming weekend and things he needs to get done with the kids. I then asked him how he was feeling and he said “not very good” and that he had made all of his appointments that he is covered for. I thought he was talking about appointments for his physical health but he mentioned that he is going for counselling again. He hasn’t gone for a few weeks so I thought he had decided he didn’t really need it. Anyway... I didn’t get too excited. Just told him that I was glad he was doing that. We chatted for a bit more and then he took off. It was weird. He was really smiley and friendly which I found strange cause we had had such a negative interaction yesterday. Anyway... after I saw him I felt much better and I think he did too. I also realized that I have been torturing myself with all of these made up ideas about how great his life is without me. Maybe it isn’t as great as I thought and maybe, just maybe, I should get back to DBing and GAL and stop making things up in my mind. I also realized tonight that my finding out that he had been talking about a D with my stepdaughter really set me back a lot more than I had realized. I need to get some perspective back. I think five days of pool will be an excellent start.
