A familiar story with questions EIGHT

[Rose888]

My understanding is that the catch-all phrase "autism spectrum disorder" is the now preferred term for Asbergers, but I am no expert.

I'm not disagreeing with you about terms. I switched to using ASD when I saw that you were familiar with the term, as I agree it is now the preferred term.

I am saying, I did not say you were on the autism spectrum and I did not say you had Asperger's.

I said you seem to prefer a very rigid style of communication that is stereotypically associated with Asperger's (aka autism spectrum disorder).

Your mention of negotiation gave me another way to express my thought without introducing confusion about diagnosis.

When you share these exchanges and talk about communication, I get the impression that you think personal communication should be as precise and unambiguous as a legal contract.

I don't know if it's true, but that's how it appears to me.

It seems rigid, and cold, and exhausting, and not anything that would make me want to communicate hard things. And since your wife apparently has a longstanding difficulty expressing hard things, she is, I imagine, going to find it even harder to want to share when faced with such a rigid partner.

No diagnosis, just a suggestion that you adjust your definition of honest communication to include things that are implied but not stated baldly, and that you don't back your wife into a corner verbally unless getting the complete truth is worth the damage.