My thoughts are running away from me this week. I seem obsessed with what H could be doing. Whether he is dating, or just picking up random women. We haven't had sex since January, so I can't imagine he isn't looking for it somewhere. Is he thinking of me? Does he feel free of the burden of having to face me day in day out with his guilt? Oh, the mind can conjure up all kinds of things, can't it?
I second Ballast. H has been away for a week. I only know what he tells me but he could literally be anywhere with anyone. I could be driving myself mad thinking about what he is doing and who he is doing it with, but I am not. Maybe that's what time and space does. I no longer have an expectations that he is honest with me about anything. If he says he is out with his mates, I just go Ok, probably lying, but what can I do. I just get [censored] off when his actions impact me 'logistically', when he does something, that is, inconsiderate and means I am expected to change my plans. It has only been two months. You will get there too. Until then GAL, detach and, well, fake it.
I also agree with RR17 on the mindful mediation. It helps with letting go and helps quieten the mind.
Thoughts are with you. You are very far from alone.
