Gordie 22 eight months after she dropped the D

[Gerda]

Gordie, you will not bridge it. Only God can bridge it for you, if you trust Him.

He will not do it on your timetable or in a way you think it should be done. I am sure He also will bring your W back to Himself, probably through your faith. That could be the whole point of this thing.

When I was speaking to that priest the other night, I said, "I can't do that, I am not a saint!" And he smiled with so much love and said, "God wants you to be a saint. He wants you for Himself."

That kind of vision probably sounds batsh*t crazy here but I will tell you that it brought me a lot of peace to remember that. God is always present. He always knows what you are going through. He knows exactly what is going on with your W and how it will all turn out. He always keeps calling us to follow His will even when it seems to make no sense.

I think you are straddling the fence of the world and the fence of the spirit at once. I think you are suffering terribly these days because of that. You must choose which fence you want to jump over. If you choose the world, you can rationalize as you do with this list. If you choose the spirit, you need to stop thinking you have a choice of how it should, could, will be. You have to trust God. I think your suffering is because you haven't really chosen one side so you are at times tortured or think there is something else you could/should do.