Holy cow! It's Tad...

[tadpole1025]

Hey everyone.

It's been a little over 8 years since bomb drop and a little over 7 years since divorce was final.

I had dinner with S26 tonight. At one point, the subject of XW came up. He says: "She is absolutely dumbfounded and just can't understand why you won't be friends with her."

"ABSOLUTELY DUMBFOUNDED"

"CAN'T UNDERSTAND"

Serious question: IS SHE INSANE?

Peace!

Tad

[AndrewP]

Serious question: IS SHE INSANE?

The view from Planet Tad is probably not cluttered by unicorns and rainbows.

[job]

Tad,

She's a lost soul and can't understand why you won't be friends. She's still living in La La Land and thinks that what she did shouldn't have hurt you or anyone else in the family. Friends do not do what our former spouses did to us. People who are of a rational mind, would know that if you created such a mess, you will not want to be friends w/them. You can forgive them, but you won't forget the really bad behavior.

Let those comments roll off your back...she's just out there.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Andrew and Job.

Everyone seems to get it EXCEPT her. That should probably tell me something.

I guess after EIGHT YEARS, I was kind of hoping that maybe she had jumped from the crazy train. Maybe she'll never wake up. Sad...

Tad

[exquisitetobe]

Their views on the whole thing is different then ours.
They do not see anything wrong with their actions.
They can' t comprehend what we ( the lbs ) have been put through.
In an instant that they do, the guilt is so strong that they must twist the truth to justify themself instead of facing it.
I feel the same way as you. I can' t be friend with my ex.
I do not trust him. I feel like he is setting me up for another bomb. Most time, he is.
There is RIGHT AND WRONG in my world / appropriate and inappropriate also.
I am not his life partner, nor his friend, nor his mother.
I am not friends with the kind of person he has become.

Stay true to yourself Tad. You are a good man. Loyal, honest, caring, hard working, devoted individual.
You should not stress over what she thinks.. Imo, she messed up the day she walked away from you.

[tadpole1025]

Thank you exquisitobe.

I agree. They do not think like we do. I was just hoping that maybe...just maybe...she was done with being crazy. Even my sons understand why I can't be friends. I told her YEARS AGO that there will never be a friendship as long as she is with OM.

I've often wondered if she has felt any guilt. Sometimes, I doubt it.

I think some of it may have to do with the fact that my older brother is still friends with his XW and sees her quite often. Also, XW's sister is also friendly with both of her XH's. Of course situations are different, but they are still friendly.

"Appearance" has always been important to XW as well and I'm sure that she would like it to "appear" that we are still on speaking terms.

I've read that some in MLC eventually wake up and some don't. I am beginning to think that XW will be one that doesn't. Sad.

Thank you for the very nice words too!

Tad

[AndrewP]

I've read that some in MLC eventually wake up and some don't. I am beginning to think that XW will be one that doesn't. Sad.

I personally think that there are two parts to this.

The first is perhaps "waking up" / realizing that they made a mistake / realizing the damage that they caused.

The second, more important part is taking responsibility for that and having the courage to attempt to make amends.

Perhaps in the dark of the night they may experience the first. We like to think so. I do think though that most who walk that path don't have the strength of character to do the second and so are lost to us. I certainly believe this to be the case with my own ex.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Andrew. My XW was never one to admit when she was wrong. She has always been that way. So, I'm pretty sure that she'll never admit it. It just makes no sense to me wanting to be friends....

"I joined an internet dating site behind Tad's back."
"I cheated on Tad."
"I ran a wrecking ball through Tad's family/life."
"I completely rewrote history with Tad."
"I told so many lies about Tad."
"I talked so bad about Tad to my family, my friends and our mutual friends."
"I dumped all of our debt onto Tad."
"I even told Tad that marrying him was the worst mistake of my life."
"I blamed all of my unhappiness on Tad."


"I just don't understand why Tad won't be friends with me...."

Absolutely NUTS.

Tad

[exquisitetobe]

Lol.. yes it is..
I could have written all of it..
why don' t we want them? Why won' t we fight for them?

In the now, all of it is ironic.. back then, it was traumatic..

Absolutely nuts it is..

[tadpole1025]

Haha!

Yep!

Sometimes, I look back and have a hard time believing all of the garbage that she spewed. It really hurt at the time, but now, knowing that none of it was even true, it is almost comical. I mean, the number one reason she did this was "you never took me to the right grocery store." Her words.

Good stuff.

Hahaha!

I'll see her tonight at my son's concert. Really hope she doesn't try to talk to me.

She's still on the crazy train. I don't travel by train.



Tad