My thoughts are running away from me this week. I seem obsessed with what H could be doing. Whether he is dating, or just picking up random women. We haven't had sex since January, so I can't imagine he isn't looking for it somewhere. Is he thinking of me? Does he feel free of the burden of having to face me day in day out with his guilt? Oh, the mind can conjure up all kinds of things, can't it?
I was doing so very well the first month. Lots of moments on happiness in the things I was doing as part of GAL. My downfall was looking into phone records a few weeks ago, and taking too many peeks at his FB page. Dumb idea, I know. I KNOW that these things are completely useless and destructive activities, so why do I do it? My guess is the 2 month deadline for our "temporary" separation is looming, and I am very, very anxious about it. Perhaps too much thinking about Hs activities is the CAUSE of my anxiousness. Probably. On one hand, if H says he wants something more permanent, it makes me feel rejected. On the other hand, if H says he wants to try to work it out, do I even want to? To keep my sanity, I think the best tactic is live my life as I would a single person (no dating, of course), and just see what happens.
