Slight change of tone. I've mentioned in the past D12's reoccurring tummy ache and my belief that this is linked to the separation. H has poo poo'd this in the past putting it down to just 'normal teen stuff'. Whilst he has been away D12 has had 2 days off school due to tummy ache, has slept in bed with me pretty much every night (v. unusual for her as she is not a cuddly child and likes to assert her independence) and has been very teary. I've tried to handle it as best I can but this morning was tough.
I normally wake up before them, out D9's clothes on her chair, sort out their breakfast (juice and toast) and then wake them up about 40 minutes before we have to go. They then sort themselves out, I get ready and every now and then remind them of things they need to do ("have you brushed your teeth?", "can you put your phone down and put your shoes on?").
This morning D12 came into my room upset whilst I was getting ready. She could not put a pony tail in her hair. I had just got out of the shower so probably wasn't as attentive as I should have been but I did try. D12 wanted to do it herself so I said "show me what you're doing". I gave her some advice, watched her try two or three times, then frustrated, I said "here i'll do it" (time is a premium in the morning and we don't really have time to waste). She wanted a 'perfect' ponytail, that is, one without bumps (pretty impossible as she has wavy hair). She wouldn't let me help and stormed out "Don't worry - I'LL DO IT". I finished getting ready then went downstairs. They get their coats on whilst I get the lunches out of the fridge, put the breakfast stuff in the dishwasher etc and then out the door. D12 was in the downstairs bathroom still trying to do her. We should have left 5 minutes ago and she was still only half dressed, had not brushed her teeth and had not yet sorted her football kit. I lost my temper and told her she was being ridiculous and it was only hair. She broke down in tears, sat on the bathroom floor, said she wasn't going to school unless the pony tail was right, said she couldn't do it ("I can't do anything right"). I watched her on the floor crying. My baby in tears because she can't do the perfect pony tail. I didn't know what to say so I simply said "Don't be ridiculous, no-one cares if there are bumps in your ponytail". I admit I didn't handle it very well but was stressed out as we were not all late.
Should I mention it to H? the last time we discussed counselling for her it was a disaster. He seemed to say that I blew it all out of proportion, or that I had caused it by 'not being happy enough'. At time, every time we mentioned speakign to someone to D12, she would go into hysterics and cry and beg us "to not make me go".
