I think what struck me in reading it back as I posted it, is that she had to travel the bigger distance. Perhaps the problem is that you are still trying to bridge the gap for her and it is her that has to do it.
Take that same inventory you took before. Do I want to be here today? If yes, then BE there. You can only do your part. If you find his thread and read it, you will see he describes it as a years-long process during which he had to keep his expectations very low for both of them.
Sounds like it is not where you want it to be, but it is light years ahead of where it is.
Maybe work on you some more and your relationships with the kids--the things you control and will bring you fulfillment and take your eyes off what you don't have an put them squarely on what you do.
