[burned]

Hey man, glad to see you’ve cooled off.

Two things stand out to me from your last post. OK, two and a half. First, that’s super cool that you know a bishop! But: you used the words “logic” and “sense” which just don’t apply here. Even under normal circumstances, human emotions don’t operate under the laws of logic and sense (that’s actually what makes them really cool to study, from a neuroscience perspective). Even less so in a crisis. In hindsight, do you feel like you were thinking logically or sensibly last night?

That segues into the other thing. PATIENCE. I’m one of the least patient people I know. And I’m telling you to be patient. So that’s a good sign of an opportunity for a 180. Now, I have no idea how to train myself to be patient. Maybe stare at a piece of pizza and see how long I can go without eating it?

Anyway, look. You’re new here. You’re talking a good game. You’re using all of the right terminology. But after what went down last night, sorry but I just don’t buy it. Seems like it’s much too soon. Or I’m completely wrong, I dunno. But take one gigantic step back and try to look at things from a “beginner’s mind.” And consider what you have going in your favor. Take time to make a decision. Read about the people who thought they were detached but weren’t, even AnotherStander, who is like the Odin of this board... patience. Marathon. At least a year of hard, hard work.

The nice thing is that you get to choose. And take the advice with a grain of salt. We don’t know you or your W. Objectively, if all we know is that she has a bad A habit, and you’re a decent guy, then yeah, it could be a character flaw that won’t ever change. But you know her and you know you. And right now everything is HER fault according to you. Obviously because you can’t fit ALL of the details into a post here. But ask yourself some questions. Why did you get married? What were your expectations? Are there things about you that you could identify, if you took a really honest look at yourself? Because right now there’s too much blame on her. At one point she felt that she wanted to spend her life with you. Then that changed. Why? Can you think of things about YOU that result in her having to fulfill her needs elsewhere? And what are those needs? And why weren’t you fulfilling them?

THAT’s what’s in your power. Until you’ve done at LEAST that, you HAVEN’T done everything your power to save the M. Or at least to get to a better one, with W or with whomever.

That kind of soul searching hurts like a donkey but you WILL benefit from it if you really are detached and if it turns out that your future with W has been irreparably tainted by her behavior. Because the next lady will get a H who is introspective, sensitive to her needs, confident in his ability to think about these things, blah blah blah.

And she will eat. it. up. You’ll be exhausted from all of the sex. She’ll cling to you like pine sap. I mean that’s sort of how I envision it. Could be the beer talking.