Steve85, Maybe I have forgotten what I learned from my first divorce. However, I remember that I am responsible for my own happiness. I remembered that outside our relationship and did stuff on my own. Yet just because we are not married, I do not see why one would walk away just because things got hard. My own marriage (which the story is on this forum somewhere) was a hot mess from day one, actually before day one. Honestly, hindsight being 20/20, I know now I should never have gone through with it. Yet I do not know that gives cause to just drop any subsequent relationship when it gets hard, just because we are not married? Am I wrong here? If, like my marriage, there were alot of signs such as her sleeping on the couch for years or belittling me constantly.... but there was none of that we got along great until the bomb dropped.
twice, I think your emotions, and maybe even your dependence on this relationship are clouding your judgment a bit:
"Yet just because we are not married, I do not see why one would walk away just because things got hard."
"My own marriage (which the story is on this forum somewhere) was a hot mess from day one, actually before day one."
Just take those two statements and contrast them. Why would you want to get back into a "hot mess" of a marriage? This is a huge pre-marital red flag. I think you are being given a gift here. Because pre-married BD is so much better than post-married BD.
Maybe telling you to run was extreme. Obviously you aren't emotionally stable enough to move forward yet. But I think you need to consider that if this isn't headed toward marriage, would you be happy being in a platonic relationship with this woman moving forward? Even if she agrees to "date", what if you are already friend-zoned (I am seeing lots of signs from your OP that tells me you very well may be)?
twice, I guess what I would suggest is that you take a step back and look at your sitch objectively. If you were a friend, what advice would you give to that friend?
And yes, maybe you should try to salvage things. But how much time are you willing to give it before you move on?
One last thing. If I had told you 3 1/2 years ago you'd be happy with someone else other than your W, what would you have said? Here you are 3 1/2 years later acting as if this relationship is the be all end all, when there very well may be someone out there better. Just a thought.
Last edited by Steve85; 11/13/1807:45 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
