I just can't win!

[Accuray]

Sorry you're in this situation twice -- three years is a significant relationship:

she is not happy and she loves me but is not in love with me.

then...

I would like to talk. My intention is not to beg, but her to reconsider her decision and for us to take a big step back to just dating again. I know me telling her how much I love her is not going to change her mind, in fact its just gonna make her lose respect for me. Rather I just want her to look back on all our good times and what we have been through and decide if this is what she really wants or if she wants to make an attempt to work it out. Not to answer me at that time but to consider it over some time and let me know.

So to summarize, she wants to be left alone, and you want to talk her back into the relationship.

Don't do it.

You don't have to invite her to look back on all your good times, she can do that any time she wants to, and she's choosing not to.

You don't have to ask her to decide if this is what she really wants, because she has *already* decided and taken action. She's had three weeks to think about it and hasn't changed course.

You don't have to invite her to consider her options over time and let you know, because she can do that already, any time she wants to.

You also don't have to ask her permission to go back to dating her, you could just invite her out on a date if you want to. If she says "no" then don't ask again. If she says "yes" then go with no expectations other than having a good time with someone you just met.

I would skip the talk entirely, all that will do is make your situation worse. If you want to invite her out on a date, invite her, but do it with no expectations and don't do any relationship talk whatsoever.

I also have to say that her complaint about you replacing her son on the sports team with your ex-stepson seems like an irrational complaint. Either that was an excuse to pick a fight with you because she was otherwise unhappy, or she's not very rational.

Reading your story and taking everything together it sounds like she's done, and if you love her you'll respect what she wants and let her go.

By pursuing her you're proposing that your wishes are more important than hers, and she's going to resent you for that.

Acc