Sandi's Reflections - Part 2

[SteveLW]

I know this is for sandi, but no, do not move out. Ask her to. She isn't obligated to (under most jurisdictions) but she is the one cheating, why would you leave?

I am very early in my stitch. However, I am GAL, 180 etc. I moved half of savings into my name, got my own checking account, changed my direct deposit etc. Bought myself some new clothes because I lost a ton of weight. I had to use my CC to hire a PI to find out. So CC balance went up. I am not wearing my ring, no texting, talking, pursuing. She kept giving me a hard time about things like if she still had some control. I had to write to her and tell her that she has no control, my actions are my own, how she made me feel and I am done. I advised she can move on if she wants because I am. I advised that I will not file for D. I don't believe in filing for D. I just can't do it. Maybe in the future, but not right now.

You don'be believe in filing for D, but you believe in removing your ring? Seems kind of contradictory.

Stay in the house. Make sure you have the MBR. Keep your ring on until you are D'd. Keep doing what you are doing. You can take her cake away without moving out, filing, etc. This paragraph is the problem:

I am in a conundrum. If I leave, I will probably have to take legal action such as filing. If I don't, she may not get the consequence she needs and will have her cake and eat it too for as long as she can. I know its early, and I will wait a little while. I want her to see that she isnt welcome at my families homes for the holidays. So she will be alone or with her very small family.

This tells me you are doing what you are doing TO TRY AND CONTROL HER. "If I don't, she may not get the consequence she needs". Who cares?! You are done right? that is what you told her. That is what you are trying to show her. But are you doing it for you, or to try to "give her consequences". WAWs are notorious for seeing through manipulation attempts. I characterize it as constantly looking over your shoulder to see what her reaction is. That is what people do when they are doing something to elicit a response from someone else.

Take the focus off of her. Keep it on you. Keep detaching (you are clearly not there yet). Give her the time and space she needs. GAL like a madman. And 180 on any toxic behaviors you may be guilty of.

Relax. Breathe. Take some time. This will resolve itself in time.....its own time. Not yours.