Sandi's Reflections - Part 2

[SoTorn]

Sandi. I am currently in a WW situation. Wife seems to have had a MLC and then went WW. A was an EA until about two months ago and went to PA. When this happened she completely withdrew, moved upstairs. Told me it was over. She led me to believe it was my fault etc. Then I confirmed A was a PA on November 1st. Now she says "Why do you love me? This isnt fixable! Its your fault! I want a D!"

I am very early in my stitch. However, I am GAL, 180 etc. I moved half of savings into my name, got my own checking account, changed my direct deposit etc. Bought myself some new clothes because I lost a ton of weight. I had to use my CC to hire a PI to find out. So CC balance went up. I am not wearing my ring, no texting, talking, pursuing. She kept giving me a hard time about things like if she still had some control. I had to write to her and tell her that she has no control, my actions are my own, how she made me feel and I am done. I advised she can move on if she wants because I am. I advised that I will not file for D. I don't believe in filing for D. I just can't do it. Maybe in the future, but not right now.

I removed all of the pictures from the house of us and put them in her closet, not to hurt her, but because I don't want to see them and I am not her H right now. I have been GAL. She is not contacting me at all and ignores me as well at home. I believe she is still speaking with OM and is "mad" that I interrupted her fantasy. I know he is pursing her still. I caught her right when she went off the deep end into the relationship with OM. He is older, married, has children and grand children. The only way she would have a future with him is if she just gave up everything including her children.

That being said. Should I move out? I want to move out with my kids, but I don't want her to go bat sh*t crazy if I do that. She needs to see consequences. So far the consequences are the children being affected by her withdraw from them emotionally, and them not wanting to live with her and with me completely detaching. It hasnt been long, but I really don't want to live in the same house as her and she will not leave.

I am in a conundrum. If I leave, I will probably have to take legal action such as filing. If I don't, she may not get the consequence she needs and will have her cake and eat it too for as long as she can. I know its early, and I will wait a little while. I want her to see that she isnt welcome at my families homes for the holidays. So she will be alone or with her very small family.

My BIL knows we are having issues but doesnt know specifically what. He actually sees how she is acting so he assumes its on her end. The way she has been acting, everyone notices that its her. This is rough, but the waves of sadness are getting further and further apart.