When I got affirmation I was dealing with a WW I was a little sad for a moment and then I felt better knowing to follow my gut instinct.
IMHO, if a man had a choice between a WW, WAW, or MCLW...…..the WW would probably the easiest or quickest to change her mindset. Not that any are "quick/easy", mind you, but the MLCW usually has some past issue that affected her psychologically...….and who knows how long that will take to heal. I do believe we see some newcomers jump over to the MLC forum, b/c they can't accept that their W is wayward. I see the WAW being one who has legitimate reasons for leaving. In other words, her H was abusive in some way, or he wouldn't work to support his family, or he has been imprisoned, or he's a womanizer, in an affair, or something that prompts the W to leave the M and make a new life for her and the kids. But the WAW does not have a selfish, hidden agenda that the WW has. She does not have the same heart as the WW. The WAW is not going to walk away from her children in order to be independent and "find herself". The WW will show signs of a girl gone wild lifestyle or having a secret affair before she exits the M. Some are able to keep the OM a secret until they split from H, but the OM immediately comes on the scene. In WAW cases, I don't think she has her eyes set on another man, or even dating at the point of leaving the M. I see her as the one the H would have the hardest time "proving" he had changed, or her giving the MR another chance.
The reason I asked if there had been an agreement about not telling family members, is b/c she immediately wanted to cover up and play happy family when her mother & siblings arrived. There are no particular rules, other than not pulling the family members into the mix by discussing the problems, getting their help/advice, etc. That's not to say you have to lie for her, or help her hide her affair. If her mother wants to spend several nights, that's your W's problem, but she should not expect you to play along. Some women expect the H to let them back into the MBR, until the parent leaves and then she's go back to their previous separated arrangements. I've seen some WW's who want to get a D, stay in the same house, and not tell the parents. That's just nuts!
Quote
Can I ask, what are your thoughts on LBS contesting if there is a D? Like in this case if she wants more than fair , contest? I'm thinking the process will be simple but I don't know what to expect so feel free to chime in on this process.
I think you need to know where you stand legally, regarding child custody, finances, property, etc. It helps some men just to know what the law says. Sometimes other women start whispering in the ear of the WW, telling her she needs to get everything (even file false charges, if necessary)...….instead of settling for her fair share. If that's the route she takes, then I believe the H should fight for at least 50% custody of the kids, and whatever his lawyer advises. The M is over, so why wouldn't he protect himself and his children to the best of his ability? If she's being fair and cooperative, then great. If she tries to scr@w him over.....then he should get a shark lawyer, if that's what it takes to protect his rights as a father. That's just my opinion. Be prepared! Many WW's hit while the LBH is still in shock and wanting to save the M. The H mistakenly thinks if he gives her whatever she wants, it will somehow melt her cold heart and save the M. It doesn't.
I don't know where you live, but if in the USA, I don't think infidelity makes any difference. Depending on the case, it may play a part in how child custody goes, but you'd just have to check with your lawyer. Some lawyers will give you one free consultation visit. However, that may have more to do with fees and services, than answering some of these type of questions. My advice to husbands/fathers is not to go blindly into it, thinking she would not be greedy and take your retirement fund or get alimony and full custody of the kids. This is not the girl you M on your wedding day. She's going to get everything she can!
I'll continue in next post.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
