Finding the Balance and then Tipping the Scale

[SteveLW]

Adam, listen to what Amoafwl is telling you. Essentially he is saying "act, don't talk". If you won't tolerate certain things SHOW her that, don't tell her. If you want her to stop doing things for you, show, her don't tell her.

Words are cheap. Why? Because she will say anything to manipulate you, get you to lay off, to hide what she is doing, etc. She will assume the same about your words. So just act, don't talk. If she asks you can reinforce your actions with your words.

For instance, if you start doing your own laundry, when she asks you can say something to reinforce your actions. "I've decided I need to become more self-sufficient to prepare for the future." (Or something that makes sense.)

I found in my sitch, as I got more independent, my W started WANTING to do more for me.It went against what her words were saying? "I want out of this marriage, I don't want to be your W anymore." But then she continued to behave like my W and even became a better W!

Remember, don't believe anything she says. Both negative and positive. Another thing my W told me on BD and shortly after was that she wasn't attracted to me and didn't want to have sex with me. And then suddenly she was initiating fairly regularly! You can't make this stuff up.