Rough start to the week. The talk about permanence yesterday cut me deeply. I am more sad about D4, than W, but it hurts just the same.
Yesterday after one of my prayers I just asked God to put me out of this misery. I broke down. As a result, I skipped the sex ed class and lifted at a different gym. Came back late, fell asleep late.
Slept terribly. I had a dream in which W and I engaged in sex. I realized it was a dream and forced myself to wake up.
Been in and out since.
I know I’m making a lot of changes and growing. I just keep wanting the hurt to stop. It’s coming on to 11 months since BD. I know this is going to carry into 2019. I’m just wondering how far deep into the next year it will go.
