Living, what FlySolo posted to you is spot-on I think. It really does sound like depression and MLC. You are confused because HE is confused. You're trying to make sense out of that which doesn't make any sense! His words and actions are going to be completely confusing and even contradictory from day-to-day or even minute-to-minute. In cases of MLC it's really important to detach and GAL because the more you are around the craziness the more crazy you start to feel yourself. Don't let him pull you in!
Regarding the whole couch thing, I think you did the right thing in leaving him on the couch and taking care of stuff. He dismissed you as his wife, he doesn't get to do that and then enjoy cuddle time and sex and such. Just understand that doing that once will not change things, so don't have any expectations that it will. You've got to be consistent over a long period of time before he will learn to miss you.
Right now you're still in the mode of "I want to put things back to normal" which is completely understandable. But he knows that's where you are and thus you are Plan B for him right now. Plan B is "I'll string her along so I can enjoy family time and have sex now and then but as soon as something better comes along I'll jump ship, but I'll throw her crumbs now and then to keep her on as Plan B in case Plan A falls through." You do not want to be Plan B and you do not deserve "second chair" treatment! You are the prize, never forget that. Once he learns to miss you and realize you're not allowing him to stuff you into Plan B, your "value" will go up in his eyes. Again this takes time, especially with an MLCer because they typically have to hit rock bottom before they realize everything they've lost.
