A familiar story with questions VII

[RR17]

I never said you caused her communication issues, just that your current approach does not seem likely to encourage more open communication.

If she had said she wanted to go to church to avoid being home alone with you on Sunday, how would you really have reacted?

Perhaps because this is such a big issue in your marriage, you also seem to have little tolerance for normal levels of social deflection. (Like her saying, "We'll see" or "Maybe later.")

If she had said she wanted to go to church to avoid being home alone with you on Sunday, how would you really have reacted?

I would have respected and accepted this response.

All I ever wanted was honest communication.

Because the home was empty and W wasn't usually going anywhere. In the past, I had tried to initiate sex. No undue pressure. Just an attempt to initiate that then lead to an R talk in the past.

This is pressure. Whether you intended to initiate intimacy or not this time is not important. You have done it in the past and it is what she was expecting you to do that day.

Look at it from her side ...

1. She expects you to initiate intimacy
2. She does not want to be intimate
3. In the past when she has rejected your advances it has led to R talks
4. She does not want to have an R talk.
3. She does not want to hurt your feelings so she gives you a non committal response

You call her on it, it leads to her being defensive, and "ridiculing" you, and finally admitting that she did not want to have sex with you. You then tell her you don't want to go "Because I said so".

Where exactly in this interaction did you score a win?

Where did I score a win? I had no intentions of scoring a win. I did get validation that my ridiculous assumption was not so ridiculous, but I knew that. Who ever wins in these interactions?

3. She does not want to hurt your feelings so she gives you a non committal response

This is correct. Only it is often correct. Too often and not just with me. Whatever the motive, it is not honest.