Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 13, D busted

[PsySara]

Hello friends! Things have been progressing really well on my end. WH's turnaround has been nothing short of a miracle. A HUGE test was put in front of us, we went to visit his family. Historically this usually results in disaster and he regresses into his mean, selfish patterns. But this time he was completely present with me at all times, was constantly touching base with me to make sure I was not overwhelmed or cornered by an intrusive relative. (MIL and SIL) We talk a lot now about deep stuff. We also laugh and joke a lot, he faces our conflicts instead of avoiding them and retreating. Sometimes something triggers me about his past affair and he becomes very attentive. He lets me work through stuff verbally. He apologizes a lot. He has come to realize how the affair devastated me and caused significant physical and emotional damage. He assures me he will spend the rest of his life making it up to me. I, in turn, don't use his mistakes as leverage. As long as he keeps strong boundaries and works on our connection, he is worthy of forgiveness.

I have worked on a lot of my interactions with him and the children. DBing has even resulted in a better interaction with my two older children. I look back over the last three years and am amazed at how far we've come. It took so much time and patience but it has definitely paid off.

I now have started a job that works 7 days on and 7 days off. WH and I are working the same weeks so we have a lot of quality time. We have started fishing together and going on drives. Part of my GAL will be learning to ride a motorcycle soon. My small goals are things like learning stick shift, toning my body at the gym and spending more time one on one with my kids. Last week, 1 day before DS5 birthday, we signed the papers to stop the divorce and cancel it all together. We have successfully busted the divorce. Now we are in piecing and I am so hopeful for our future. I will keep checking in here and trying to give suggestions where I can. But every one needs to try whatever works and throw out the rest. There truly is not an exact way to do anything. Be lovingly detached, not hard or nasty. Make the marriage a hard palce to leave and an easy place to come back to. Like my DBing coach said, "It's like selling a car. You have to let them smell the leather interior, feel the smooth ride, experience the torque. Only when they start to feel like they MUST own this car do you show the price tag." My WH can't imagine life without me now. But for a long time he felt he needed to leave the marriage to be truly happy. I tried forcing my ideas and philosophy on him. Once I let go and when it became too much for me, I filed for divorce. But I left the door open and when he finally showed true remorse I made sure the path back was paved.