Just got back from taking my dog, my kids and a couple of their friends out for a walk. Happened to glance out towards the water and I see our boat chugging its way toward the harbour. Yep... you enjoy that now H... you want a D? That’s the first thing that is going. I have been telling him that I want my boat keys back for at least two months now. He always says “yes” but they never appear. Or he tells me there is some work that he still has to do on it. Funny...never seems to stop him from taking it out. Trying not to be bitter but that is a sore spot with me. I also must have missed his text or phone call offering to take our kids with him. Yep...it’s all about him. Okay... having an angry moment.
I also had a bit of a confrontation with him. When I told my son about the change in schedule today, he mentioned that “E’s room is right next to ours”. E is the 16 year old daughter of the woman who lived in the house before my H who is apparently in the hospital with pancreatic cancer. Anyway... I called my H to say WTF? He tells me that he doesn’t need that room so he is letting her keep her stuff there and that she is hardly ever there. My H and I have talked about his family in depth. He says the family is trying to get the dad involved, the daughter doesn’t want to go, etc... Apparently the boy still has some stuff there too. He has also sworn up and down that he would never make up a story about pancreatic cancer as my dad died from that and even though my H is a self-centered jerk at times, I really do not believe he would be that cruel. Anyway...he texted me that he would come and talk to me tonight but I told him not to bother. I told him it was pointless. That his kids know he is effectively living with someone else’s children. I told him it did not matter what he had to say, I will never, ever understand it.” So...I’m sure my H is stewing right now. The ridiculous part is that what he is probably stewing about is his belief that I “grill” the kids for information. The thing is that I don’t do that. I don’t do that because I don’t want to know. I have enough to work out without adding that to the pile. My kids tell me what they want to tell me. I don’t stop them.
Feeling a little more detached today. I’m sorry DnJ...also a little bit angry. I think I am coming to terms with the fact that the man I thought I married was really only a fantasy that I made up to keep myself warm at night. If that guy ever existed, he left right around the time our kids turned three. Since that time, it has been my H’s world and the rest of us have just been visiting. Time to start making my own world.
