Unsure what's next, what to do.....Part II

[Wanted1]

Need some help on how to proceed effectively....

Have been feeling major disrepect and general inconsideration from W recently. I started to withdraw from her, not engaging her in regular conversations, etc for the past few days. So, I made the stupid mistake of bringing it up to W. Ask her what exactly have I done or am doing that gives her so much resentment toward me? Of course she didn't really have an answer. Claimed there was no resentment but then that conversation led to a R convo. She keeps telling me that I'm always trying to make her agree with my thoughts and beliefs and when I asked her "Do you ever think about the vows we took?" (I know, boneheaded mistake) She flipped out and said that "I'm trying to be holier than thou and superior to her which I've always done" Keep in mind this woman has cheated on me 3 times with two of my best friends so its typical for someone in her position to say that IMO. I lost it for a second after she said that but then tried to calm down and talk a little more calmly. Needless to say, the damage was already done.

She left the house but during the conversation she made the comment (revisionist talk I feel) that "She's probably checked out of this marriage longer than I've though she has." So, after she left I texted her:

"Can we please talk in a calm manner tonight sometime? If you’ve been checked out of this marriage for as long as you say, not sure that what we are doing right now is going to help at all. I’m willing to grant you what you desire. I can’t save this by myself and I’m resigned now to that reality. I’m ready to end this pain and suffering and want to start working through the pain and suffering of an ended marriage and broken family." I then went on to say that I'll probably stay at home for Thanksgiving rather than go to her parents with her and kids.

She responded with "Ok. Yeah to talking level headed."

Now, I realize I effed up royally by initiating this convo. However, what I came to find afterwards really doesn't make me care all that much that I screwed up or not. While she was gone, I did some recon and found out she's been in contact with OM since her bike ride rendezvous where she claimed she told him they need to end contact. Just like everyone here predicted and what I sort of assumed was the case. Now I have proof. She sat in the joint session and lied to the ICs and to me that she was cutting of communication.

I'm now at the point where I'm ready to show her the door. In this talk tonight, I'm not sure how I should proceed. I think I'll try to let her steer the convo and if she doesn't really start if off I think I'm going to start by saying, "what are your thoughts and feelings about what I said earlier in the text?" Any suggestions of some better way to do this?

Right now, my feelings are I'll wait towards the end of the conversation and ask her if she's been holding true and holding herself accountable to the NC with OM. If she says yes, I'm going to respond "We both know you are lying." And then I'm going to simply go on to say something along the lines of, "W, you've been leading me on this whole time making it seem as though you were thinking things through. In reality, all you are doing is continuing an A with OM while trying to perceive to me that you are really working through and trying to process this. You've continued to ask for time and space to think but in reality you are just using this time and space to continue talking to OM and stringing me along for the ride. I'm done with it. I believe you are just trying to save up enough $ until you feel comfortable financially to bolt and that's where this is headed. I don't want you here anymore. I want you to get your things and leave this house. If you don't, I'm going to leave tonight and when I come back tomorrow after work, I expect to not see you here. (I have work appts in a town 1.5 hours away tomorrow morning so I could easily just go up tonight and stay to go to those and then come back tomorrow -- I am by no means removing myself from the house. I will not do that because if/when we D I'm getting the house)

I'm sure she will freak out about the kids and not seeing them to which I'll reply "How do you expect this D to work? You aren't going to be seeing them half the time." I will also go on to state that we will not be friends afterwards. A spouse, let alone a friend doesn't treat someone the way you have treated me. She's welcome to FaceTime them when they are with me, but she won't be allowed to have suppers, etc. with them at this time. I've effing had it with the lying, deceit, betrayal and utter lack of disrespect.

I'm tired and fed up with the situation and am prepared to move on. Finding out she's still talking to OM was just the final straw for me.

Any thoughts or suggestions are appreciated!!