An old mindset for Burned. This is thread 8.

[burned]

Hi there. I was just putting together a massive post about everything I've been ruminating about. Mostly grief, loss, anger, blah blah. Lesson learned: reading 2 entire self-help books in one day does not count as GAL.

I have not heard of ANY of those games. The tabletop gaming world is just incredible, it's an entire world of its own. I had no idea.

It was a good weekend overall, a bit more productive activity than usual. Friday night we watched Tombstone with the board game group, which I had never seen before. Annoying that the lead character reminds me of W's brother but oh well. Saturday I forced myself to leave the apartment. Thought I'd just drive around. I had books with me. I ran into a friend who invited me to his place for Thanksgiving. Then went to work to catch up on paperwork, coincidentally ran into the boss, who just a few days earlier had given me the impression that my days there were numbered. So she saw me putting in extra hours, which is a small win. Then the board game group invited me to go see The Girl in the Spider's Web. I very rarely ever see movies in the theater, so that was fun. Nice to be invited places by people you've just met.

Sunday was reading and chores. At one point I experienced a resurgence of some really intense anger that I thought I had gotten over. Funny what can set me off. This time it was because the dishwasher flooded right as I was leaving to go to the laundromat. And I was like, "Curse this nonsense, since when do I have to call maintenance and go to laundromats, I used to be a homeowner." I guess I'm over it for now. The nice thing about the anger is that by the morning it's gone, replaced by the usual painful feeling of "I miss her and I can't believe this happened," which then slowly dissipates until around dinner time, when I start feeling like I'm fine and life will be OK.

Also on Sunday W texted to ask for some form, and I sent her a PDF by email, no subject, no text, just coldness. So I worry that I'm botching the detachment/darkness thing. I mean, she needs to know that I'm not her plan B, but I hope she doesn't think that I don't want to be her plan A. I wonder how this will play out in the long run.