What was your real reason for you to tell her you didn't want her to go? Why didn't you give her a reason? I'd be annoyed too if my H said "because I said so".
I agree, it sounds very controlling. After reading the followup posts I'm still confused as to why you didn't want her to go. Because you felt she was "running away" from pressure (sex?) You've got to keep giving her time and space, you're not out of the woods yet. If she wants to go do something then let her, you don't own her. If you're upset about it then talk to her about why. Don't make demands.
It was very controlling. First, let me say that I didn't start the whole conversation. I was asked, "what is that look." Meaning what are you thinking. I shared my honest thoughts. I was ridiculed for having these thoughts. The most ridiculous fantasy thoughts. I stood up to her. I stuck my foot down. (yes, controlling behavior). Also very much a 180 as I have never demanded she not go anywhere before. At that point, she got mad and finally admitted that I was correct and why she was leaving.
There was no pressure to have sex. No pressure to have anything. I was in bed enjoying coffee.
Why didn't I want her to go? I really didn't care. I was pissed that my thoughts, that I was asked to share and that were correct, had been ridiculed. And until I stuck my foot down, she refused to acknowledge the truth.
Stander, I hope that you realize that I am in no way justifying my behavior, simply clarifying.
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Every time you talk about your wife’s communication style, I get an impression of a woman who has had her thought and feelings dismissed so often (possibly because they are judged as insufficiently “logical”?) that she doesn’t feel safe sharing.
I’m not seeing how your current approach is going to help her overcome that.
Well, Rose, perhaps I am doing a poor job of painting an accurate picture of her communication style. She has never felt safe sharing. I remember during the honeymoon phase of our courtship, asking her what she was thinking and she always said "nothing". Make it something negative and you will only hear it during an emotional outbreak.
When her daughters ask her to do something that she disagrees with, they get a "We'll see" or a "Maybe later". When all the while her real answer is No.
See where this is going, Rose?
IMO, she is going to have to overcome that on her own. I suspect some childhood, something, caused by my MIL, whom I love dearly. W and I have in fact discussed this very subject. It was great at first, imagine a mate that never expresses a negative thought. Problem is they are still there, bottling up, ready to explode. I have in fact tried to make it as welcoming as I possibly can for her to open up. I'm not perfect and old habits die hard.
I'm not willing to own this one.
In this instance ,it was my feelings that were attacked with so-called logic. lol
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
