DjV - it so seems we are living parallel lives ...
I find the pretense the hardest bit. I want to scream all the time. "Come back you idiot. What we had was good". But I can't. I no longer have to pretend to be ok because I actually am. But pretending not to care is exhausting.
I have not spoken to him for five days. It is tough sitting in another room whilst he talks to the girls. I have no expectations that he wants to talk to me, but it is still very strange. D12 always puts him on speaker phone. Not sure why she does this, but she does. I can hear the entire conversation. He repeatedly says how much he is missing them and how much he loves them. It is very weird, a conversation you can hear, but are obviously not a part of. He took about 2 minutes to say goodbye "I miss you lots and lots and lots and lots blah blah blah".
It is strange that he hasn't asked to talk to me at all in the last five days. He normally likes to pretend that everything is normal (i.e. he can talk to me without feeling anything) so that he hasn't talked to me at all is kind of weird.
Having said that, I did send him a text asking how much D12's school excursion was as we had agreed to split it. I thought it would be three texts tops ("how much", "this much", "ok") but he kept the exchange going. He kept asking about D12's tummy aches. This went back and forth for a bit. I kept my responses short (I don't know, maybe). Eventually he ended the exchange with "Can't help but worry, she is still our little girl <sad face emoji>".
BTW - this is why I hate [censored] emojis.
I need to put my reaction into context. D12 has had reoccurring tummy aches since H announced he was leaving. Every time I mentioned it he would give me a snarl and say "It is normal pre-teen" stuff. Eventually, and only after his mum said there is something wrong, he agreed she should see a counsellor. I found one. The counsellor wanted to see H and I first. He sat there and said she was fine and that the only one with a problem was me. So, now that he is seemingly concerned about her welfare, it gets my back up a little. So, perhaps I did go a little cold.
GAL activities - I went to lunch with a guy I use to work with about 8 years ago. We ran into each other a few months ago and did the 'we should catch up' thing. I had to contact him about a work related thing and he said it would cost me lunch. I agreed. There was nothing in it, we talked work a little and about people we both know. It was pleasant conversation and nice company. I did not mention that H ad I had split up. Back in the day he use to fancy me a little, and I suspect still does. I am still not ready, but it did me good to have someone flirt with me a little. I probably won't see him again for another 8 years now.
No gym today - being a single mum means I am running to work, running from work and constantly late for everything !!!
