Dealing with a WW trying to save marriage

[SoTorn]

I understand she needs consequences but the only consequence I have available may put me at a disadvantage legally. I don't want a divorce.

Im having trouble understanding what you mean here. She needs consequences...for what? So that she will want to be with you? Sure. Basically, she needs to come to the realization that she has LOST something by engaging in this relationship with OM in order for it to end. On the other hand, just because the affair ends does not mean she ill want to be with you. So if you go tell her job, his wife, etc, it certainly could end the affair....but that doesnt mean you will become the most attractive option.

So if you dont want a divorce (which is fine), then what are your options?

- moving out? I think this isnt great. Especially if you have no way to take your kids with you
- kicking her out? Im not really sure you can do that. Youd need to consult your L. But I am pretty sure she has a right to live there as your wife even if you change the locks.

so assuming neither of you is leaving, then what?

Like I said, your best bet is to treat her like a cordial houseguest. As if she is renting the room from you in an AirBNB. Stop initiating conversation. Stop pursuing her. Stop trying to control her. Focus on you and the kids.

I could literally end up alone and without my kids. My kids want to live with me. My entire goal right now is to take care of my children and myself. If I shoot myself in the foot legally, then she will get the kids.

Again, from a legal/custodial perspective, what has your lawyer advised?

Contact has stopped. But I don't feel like I want to just be a house guest.

Legally, it could go a few ways. If I leave and take the kids she could flip out and file an order to get them back, which puts me in a bad position. She could accept her husband and kids are gone but file for divorce. Or she could do nothing.

If I just stay here she will have her cake and eat it too. I'm not trying to punish her by giving her consequences. I just don't want to be used. I need to act on my broken boundaries but I could screw myself over legally with the kids. And leaving alone is not a good option.