Moving forward D! Enjoy the freedom, enjoy the kids.
I will likely lose the kids and our home due to W lies to the police (who took no action) and the next family court date (who don't require any proof or beyond reasonable doubt. W making accusations is enough for the court to judge against me on probability). I've not done anything wrong but I stand to lose everything.
However, I feel I have made a personal step forwards today and it's a been due to a combination of things in the last few weeks but mostly W own behaviour and advice given to me by victim support and this forum. I now have boundaries because in my head I've said "enough" no more opportunities for W to abuse my trust and good nature.
Is that going to happen D? Are you sure of that? Stand where reality is man, PMA. We’ll face the days as they come. Stay strong man, enjoy the kids. Be there, in the present time.
The reality is that I will very likely lose the kids (at the next court date because W is telling lies) and so then the home (in a divorce but neither W or I have started that yet).
Today at the kids handover the kids said W is buying a new car, W replied that perhaps a good friend was buying it for her. I didn't respond. Kids later said in-laws are paying towards it. It seems W gives them cash and the in-laws buy stuff for W. It means keeping it all hidden from a future D agreement. When W said perhaps good friend was buying it for her, she said it in a bitchy way to try to make me jealous. I wasn't. I didn't respond and I carried on as if water off a ducks back.
When I saw the W and In-laws a few days ago they didn't look happy at all. It looked very awkward like they have fallen-out. Kids say the in-laws have now left the house so W will be on her own for next few nights or more whilst I have the kids. It's a rare occurrence for W to be on her own since separation without her parents. If there is an OP then I guess this is her chance to be with them or she's going to have time to think. Regardless, I'm very busy for the next week with kids and legal stuff.
I'm getting better at distancing my feelings from W antics. W turned up at the school today. It seems any excuse. I forgot she was there whilst I was talking to another parent. A lady mutual friend who has been backing W turned to me, looked at W and said "Strange, very strange". It seems she's having doubts about W. The lady later asked me some questions and I said I couldn't talk about it.
The kids having mobile phones issue cropped up. I said that WW bought and given them without discussing having same guidelines in each home so created issues. WW replied saying she's wiling to discuss it and asking what I propose.
I don't want to be drawn into proposing anything because I don't trust her not to twist my words against me ahead of the custody court case. She created the issues. Any suggestions as to how to reply?
For legal reasons I was advised to write a diary of events and it's staggering looking back at WW lies. After she left she took us out for meals etc. but had acted extremely distant but generous etc. I now know she had made a statement against me to the police and was using these interactions to try to create a scene to get me into trouble, and although WW seemed to be generous she was secretely taking and hiding a lot of money. My suggestion to others is to write a diary because things that make no sense at the time may become clearer over time and help you to get some closure and move forwards.
Did the change-over with the kids. Several times she offered to drive us back to the home but I declined. I can't risk it anyway because too often she's tried to cause a scene ahead of the next custody court case. I barely said a word to W. She must now realise I've detached and not going to get involved in any of her antics. For the first time in about 6 months she now has the house where she now lives to herself for the next few nights or more. If there is an AP then now is her chance but I'm not as bothered now. I got home with the kids and thought W is missing out on a lovely family... but that's why she's lying because she wants the kids with her all the time. I'm going to have a great time with the kids whilst I can.
I've had a good day out with the kids, at one point I thought of W and felt sorry for her for missing out.
However, one of the kids has just told me that W is buying a new car and putting it in her parents name... obviously hiding it from future D.
For 25 years I've been a devoted husband and father but I've not earn very much in recent years because I've been a stay at home dad. W has lied to me for more than 4 years about inheritance she received, lied about buying a house with her parents 2 years ago, tries to turn the kids against me, lied to try to get me into trouble with the police, lies to the custody court, she is still taking and hiding money, now buying a car and putting it in her parents name. For all I know there could be OP too. How much more can she put me through. What she's doing should be a criminal offence. I'm feeling confused right now. Someone please advise me.
Pick yourself up. You are a great man and you will become a better man. Your wife deceit does not define you. You will create the life you always wanted. Her hiding her assets and motives will catch up with her. You have to let go of worrying about what she is doing what she's doing and why.
You are doing an awesome job.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
And you are standing there as an honest man. You don’t need all of that f@cking crap. Honesty and sincerity, values your kids are getting. Be proud of that man!
