She is pressuring me to agree to start the process of moving to a bigger house together.
Allow me to be blunt. No, no, no NO NO NOOOOO OH HELL NO. I would wait at least a year before thinking about that. She has a LOT of work to do before then. You too. IC, MC, communications workshops. Discussions of what happened, and how to prevent it from happening again.
Quick story- my brother's W kept pressuring him to get a bigger house. He didn't want it, she did. He didn't think they could afford it. She was an accountant and kept telling him to trust her. So they bought it. A few months later she BD'd him, said she had been in an A and thought that a bigger house would "change her mind" but it didn't work after all. Your W could very well be thinking something similar, that a big new house will change her mind. But it won't.
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Before agreeing to start the house buying process I would need to know you are 100% committed to making our marriage work and will do whatever is necessary for that to happen including MC.
I wouldn't agree to it at all. Just flat out tell her that she has destroyed your trust and it's going to take a long time for her to get it back again, and until that time there will be no large purchases.
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I am really scared of saying the wrong thing and backsliding from my hard earned progress, thanks to my D'bing she's really relaxed around me ATM and I'd hate to undo that and watch the walls go up again.
Don't be afraid to stand firm and stick to your principals. If that makes her walls go up then what does that say about her? What does it say about her motivations for getting back together?
