Dealing with a WW trying to save marriage

[MoveFrwd]

Hello ST. SOrry you are here, but hopefully, you can use this gift of time wisely.

I have had a couple of conversations with her that end up in blaming me.

So it sounds like theres no reason to go this route any further.

Over the past week my wife has just sat in her room on her phone. I have been GAL very well. But shes in la la land badly. Bad affair fog.

Im glad you are GAL. Im not sure what her state has to do with your GAL activities though?

I told her that if she continues to travel for no reason that I am done.

So what does this mean, exactly?

She slept with another man how many times. And lied about it. Several times. So....now, youre saying that she can keep talking to him, sending dirty pictures, whatever. But if she goes to see him again, then you're "done"? This feels very arbitrary. If her work requires random travel, then who knows if he is also going to travel to wherever that is also. This doesnt feel like a boundary you can manage. Im not saying that you should or shouldnt file for divorce. Thats your choice. But is this boundary logical? Like this....

Wife is currently traveling to see a friend in Dallas and then to see her father.

Is he there? Theres got to at least be a chance. So how can you maintain that boundary?

I have written her a few letters that just explain to her that I am no longer pursuing her, that I am no longer allowing her decisions to affect my emotions. I will not take blame and just my perspective on the kids and everything. No threats or pleading. Just being honest on how her actions have affected the kids. What she has done to me etc. I have written two letters. Simply because she is ignoring the hell out of the kids.

Its funny to me that you wrote her a letter to tell her you are going to stop pursuing her.

Speak with ACTIONS not words.

The biggest issue I need help with right now is that my wife is still in contact with OM. She hides in the bathroom. I told her that her remaining in contact in this home is disrespectful. We aren't fighting. She may think I'm going to report her to her work but I'm not. I'm not vindictive. Just hurt badly.

Incredibly disrespectful. And so what are you going to do about it? In my opinion, you let her sit in the bathroom all night doing that while you are living your life. Let her play out this fantasy in her head while you keep your focus on you and GAL and do awesome stuff with your kids.

Stop trying to control her.

Right now she has zero consequences and will not leave. She has not scheduled another trip yet. Thank God he lives in another state. I want her to see consequences.

It sounds like you want someone else to punish her. You arent willing to hurt her back, but you want her to hurt nonetheless.

How about the consequence is missing out on your awesome life. And your kids' lives. To me, the best revenge is to for you be happy and successful. Does she need to be homeless or broke or whatever as a punishment for cheating?

Plus if I move out I'm sure she will immediately go travel.

So what?

If I do move out should I only do it if she schedules a trip for work? In order for us to reconcile she would have to quit. That's the only way she would have no contact with this man.

I dont understand. What is the difference of one more physical visit? Shes already texting and communicating with this guy non-stop. Live your life. Once you decide you have 'had enough', then take further action. Maybe that day is today? I dont know.