Dealing with a WW trying to save marriage

[SoTorn]

Ok. Well I am going dark. The only contact was me writing a couple of letters explaining the affects of her neglecting our children and the affects on me.

I believe she is in a soulmate affair. This guy was her friend and when she was gone he took my place in fulfilling her in every way. She would rather be with him. He is married but lived away from his wife because of work. I think he may have stayed in Phoenix away from his wife. So if she has no consequences she will continue her frequent travel to be with him at all costs. The only way she will break free is by quitting and detaching from him. Right now she has no desire to do that.

I already separated accounts. Her mom is on my employee phone plan. I could cancel her line as well. I am thinking that I should move out with the kids. I know she is terrified of losing her children. She just wants her cake and to eat it.

Its unfortunate because I have truly changed and was here for her emotionally etc. She just didn't see it because of her focus on work and then her eventual EA then PA.

When I was listening to her talk to him they only spoke about work and then right into sexy talk. I heard him ask her why she decided to go ahead and have sex and she said that she just said "[censored] it". So I believe he told her his feelings a while back and she held her vows until a couple months ago.

I am very hurt. I know I will live fine without her. The truth is that it would take me a very long time to get over her. Honestly I don't think I would ever not love her and I would always have resentment and regrets. We have been together 21 years. I know deep down she cares because even when she was detaching from me she would have those few moments of clarity where she would hug me and cry etc. But she pushed herself past that once they got very involved. She would have to pick her family over her job and affair. I honestly believe she cant do that.

The sad thing is that I know this man will not leave his wife and since he is 20 years older than her, she would literally be spending her few years before menopause philandering with this man. She is terrified of turning 40. He would be 60. If they lived together she would probably realize he is way too old for her. Because he is.

My children are on board with moving out with me. They are afraid that she will fight over them and try to get them to move to Phoenix. They have no desire to move. Plus her mom lives here and her brother. Her mom would melt down if she moved out of town. She wont leave her mom.

I miss her badly. I am so used to being intimate often and it kills me to not be.

Should I consider myself single? I.E if I meet someone should I take an opportunity to fulfill my needs? I have never cheated. But I am a young man and I have desires, physical and emotional needs as well. I can't just live my life as a convenience.

Or should I GAL up to the p poo into where I just go to the gym, hang with friends and family and focus on school? The holidays are coming up. Should we attend family events all together or leave her out?

I need sleep meds badly. I can't sleep at all.