So its middle of the night here. Literally, i just woke up from a dark and twisted and very realistic dream. My texting is bad and filled with errors to begin with, so please bare with me.now as Im half asleep.
So, my dream was dark. My son was there. Himself. A child in the background that i was aware of but with that laugh and hyperactivity that actually might be anxiety and nerves cause he knows something is up but is trying to laugh.
My ex's mother is there. And i am screaming and yelling at her. I am trying to get her to see my pain. I am trying to tell her how bad her son treated me and she wont hear me. She won't admit it. And i am yelling at her that she has been through this too. That her son treated me so bad. She is acting like i am crazy. Not letting go. Not accepting. She just wants to take care of my son. I am trying to find info about his current girlfriend from my ex mil. She tells me she new gf is not as patient as me. I say, "you meam shes trashy?" And she says yes. (I do not know anything about his current girlfriend. I dont believe he was cheating on me with her. I just know she has a young girl that they occasionally go on a trip with.)
Then there is a Group of people. Police detectives, my ex and a trashy looking girlfriend. (In my dream i am relieved when i see she is not better then me.) I am yelling at my ex and he looks so good in front of every one.. i look crazy.
I cant find the paperwork and everyone is doubting me. My ex is being really calm and seems so nice to everyone. Including me. He sees how upset I am and he tells me that he will answer all of my questions honestly. He decides to do this so I will have closure. He seems sorry in this dream. It seems like i am about to get all my answers and im not sure what to ask first. Then we go together and i find all the paperwork that prooves he was being shady with me.
For some reason me and the detective talk about females that were being murdered years ago. It involved a serial killer in the area i live.. I tell them one of my patients was murdered . That i remembered her many years ago from the beginning of my case. I told them I wasn't dumb. Thw detective said "yes. We put that patients story in your case" and they told me she was killed by an abusive ex. Not the serial killer.
We were all sitting around a table and i am about to ask my questions. I have all my proof. And then i decide i dont want to hurt my ex. I dont want to expose him. And i immediatly wake up. (As im typing i realize i didnt eant to expose him in the courts either)
Ok. Back to reality now...
This dream came because my ex has a girl friend that he took to a wedding this weekend. My son told me how his dad and this girl drove to the wedding in a separate car from him and his grandmother. My son hadnt spent the weekend at his dads in 2 weeks because his dad needed to switch. My ex told me he had to work on friday so didnt want son earlier.
My ex told me about the wedding and i asked who would be driving my son. (I worry about weddings and drinking). Ex told me his mom would be driving him and son. So ex lied to me and i dont really know why at this point. He could have just told me "my mom will drive son" and it would have been enough and honest.
When he dropped son off, he looked sad and upset. Hard time facing me. But that could also be because he did not have the child support check or the past 2 checks of his share of childcare. I sometimes like to think he is sad because of me, but its most likely due to having to give me money. Or not having money to give me. I probably project and i interpret it as guilt, but it might be sadness for himself having to give me money.
Why did him having this girlfriend bother me still? He doesnt put our son first. He just gets a small bit of knowledge about son and tells me or the teachers about it to feign involvement. For example, he made a point of inserting into a conversation with teacher "yes i notice that too when i help him with his homework" But he only sees him 1 evening a week.he cuts it short to about an hour and most of the homework is done by the afterschool program. Today upon drop off he made sure to tell me how proud he is of son cause son donated toy. But thats just being said to show me he spent time with him, when i know through my son it was his grandmother that spent most of the time with him.
Thats not someone with a good character.
I dont understand why i still am holding on. Im with someone that loves me. Someone that took care of his daughter by himself through some really rough stuff. He was there for her. He accepts me. I can be myself with him. I feel safe with him. I know hes different from ex. But i am still upset over ex.
Thank ypu. I lnow this was a long post.
But this dream felt so realisyic and was just very dark. I was shaky when i wole up.
Last edited by job; 11/12/1801:15 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
