Ahh... FS. I can so feel your emotions through your writing and I identify with them so much. I think, perhaps, that I have more hope for your sitch than you do as well. My H just dropped off the kids and stuck around for a bit to chat. He was noticeably tired. He says he didn’t sleep well and he kept waking himself up. I don’t know if that is the truth or not. I guess that should be a sign to me that I don’t know if he is telling the truth about something so simple. I have been reading some of BluWave’s threads and she talks of choosing to trust her H as being different than simply trusting him. Made me think of what it would be like if, against all odds, we got back together and how I would have to make that choice every day as only a fool would do anything different.
I think it is great that your H is staying in contact so much while he is away. It does show that he is making some changes. Don’t assume that the changes are only what you can see. I sincerely doubt he would talk to you about what is going on for him because of the hope aspect. I think my H would have to be 85% sure he wanted to return before he would ever bring it up to me. Even though his actions say different, I know that he does not consciously want to hurt me and also does not want to give me hope. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for the D talk although knowing my H, he could end up just emailing it to me. He really does not like confrontation in any way, shape or form. If he does, I really do hope he waits until after the holidays.
I wouldn’t put too much stock into what BIL says. He only seems to know the obvious (H is jealous) and likely does not know what is really going on with your H. He is just guessing based on his own views.
I don’t think having pictures of your H can be viewed as pursuit. If anything, given the context, it would seem more like a sign that you are moving on. Not a bad thing.
