Brave Little Gerda, So Chilled She Could Not Speak

[Rita]

I just got home and my H was out but he had left gifts from Rome on the table, wrapped, with labels for each of my kids... and one for me with my name on it. On the other table was all the mail, which he had sorted so that a giant envelope from his lawyer was on the bottom. I opened that first and it was his statement of net worth. Many lines read "unknown,wife controls access." Anyone remember the famous spread sheet? Also he has the passwords and sign in for our joint accounts or could just walk over to the bank anytime and get whatever statements he wants.

Anyway, I looked at these two opposing forces, the legal horror and the gift (and mind you, even the gift is from a trip paid for by the godfather of my kids who is paying for his divorce lawyer, so anything from that trip is also in my mind dripping with evil already). I had an interior battle with rage and bitterness while my daughter was enjoying her gifts. She said to me, "Hey, maybe Papa gave you the gift because he doesn't want to divorce." It took all the will power left in my broken little bag of will power to not say, "There is a letter from his lawyer right here." I had already screwed up by openly showing my disgust and saying, "That is ridiculous!" when I first saw the gift, so I tried to back pedal by saying how pretty her gift was. I called a Christian friend, and she said to just say, "Thanks for thinking of me, I wasn't expecting that!" which I know is probably the best way to librate myself as well, but I pointed out that I hadn't looked at him or spoken to him since mid-September, so uttering any words at all in any direction near him would be a mountain of a struggle.

Going to go pray now. Probably will not say anything about the gift and just stay dark. I am filing the motion this week. But just wanted to post this here since only my LBS friends could shake their heads knowingly at the juxtaposition of those two things on the table upon my arrival home from my already-over break from MLC h$ll.

Love,

Gerda