RR17. Thanks so much for the feedback. I love concrete advise. You hit the nail on the head. Control was a big contributor to the demise of our M. I came to realize that many, many months ago, and even apologized to my H for trying to mother him. It's a struggle every day, but one I am actively working on, and have been, for quite a while. Just thinking about Hs relationship with the kids, or what he is doing, is control, and I need to remind myself of that. I've slipped recently in that I looked at phone records and his facebook page. Need to get back to ME, not HIM.
Originally Posted by RR17
Learn what Pursuit really is and avoid it at all cost. Pursuit causes pressure and will only work to drive H away. BTW, we all make mistakes. Understanding the dynamics of DB doesn't guarantee we won't slip up, but helps to avoid the slips. Work on you. Get to a place where you are going to be Okay regardless of what happens. This will not move you closer to D. Nothing is more unattractive than desperation.
Let him go, to get him back.
THIS is what I struggle with the most, I think. After I learned of his affair in January, I pursued for 6 months. Looking back I almost feel foolish. Then our MC recommended I read DB, and the light bulb went off. I need to brush up on pursuit, I think. My text messages are too long in response to his questions, and I'm filling him in on too many things like situations with the kids, and his mom (who is in a nursing home and I visit several times a week). In the meantime his messages are brief, and scarcer. Time to do the same.
So RR17, what is your advise on Thanksgiving? Do I invite, or remain silent and let him bring it up? My kids are sure to ask if he will be coming for dinner. In fact S21 said he hoped he would be home by then.
