My H and I, on the other hand, rarely argued. Once in a while but never more than minor irritations. I know now it is because he was just adding whatever resentments he had to the pile until he felt like he had enough justification to abandon me and our kids.
I suspect this is because all four of us (you, me, and our H's) are conflict avoidant. BIL and (maybe ex)GF are both confrontational. I am not saying this is the way to go. All that constant screaming and throwing things at each other means their daughter thinks the way to get what you want is to be the loudest in the room.
I am sad for our children as well. But they have good parents. Irrespective of what you think of your H he is trying to be a good dad. Maybe a [censored] of a H and human being. But, he is trying to be a good day. Some of the S's here, man, I just want to beat the [censored] out of them for the way they treat their kids.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
It is a good sign that your H never speaks badly of you. He still has a lot of respect for you.
He says these things to other people. Never to me. That would be 'giving me hope'. God I hate that phrase. He use to say it all the time as his reason for never being nice to me. I don't know what it means (the showing respect for me). I guess he sees me as a human being and not just the 'ruiner of his life'. Happy ending - I am not sure. It does not feel the way. It feels like we are moving towards being successful co-parents.
I also think we are kindred spirits. I am glad we found each other. I think I hold out more hope for your R than you do. Keep going. It is over when you give up hope.
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Journaling
BIL came over this morning to pick up his daughter. He stayed for a few hours and said they had a nice night (I did not ask details). Not back together, but seeing how it goes. I am almost jealous that they can find it so easy to move towards R when H and I can't even talk. We spoke about H for a bit. He thinks the jealousy is more general (he doesn't like the idea of anyone else being with me - apparently it is a [censored] thing). Not sure that he would be jealous of another man unless a little bit of him still cared about me.
After BIL left, I took D9 to a birthday party and then hung out with D12 for a bit and got on with some housework. GAL'g with kids is tough when the weather is so miserable.
I put up the new picture tiles. Of the 30 tiles I have put up 5 of them have H in them. This is my way of saying that I can now look at photos of him without getting emotional. He was hurt when I took all the photos down and I explained to him at the time that it was because looking at them hurt me. I am however, worried, that he will take this a form of pursuit.
He called twice today (once this morning to wish D12 well on her football game and once this evening). I did not talk to him either time. I think I mentioned he did this same trip last year 2 weeks after BD. That time he called twice in total. Once, when he was obviously very drunk, and once in the middle of the day when we were out. This time he has called every night and twice today. Consistent actions show that he is a changed man. His children are important to him. Me - I seem to be less and less important. I know you all say I am doing well, but it does not feel that way.
This is the hardest and most painful thing I have ever done. It would be so much easier to just throw in the towel and open myself up to the possibility of another relationship. But I know I won't. Not today anyway.
