Grace, I am on your side and ultimately in favor of R and your marriage. That said my approach might seem very different for others here. I like actionable advice and that is what I try to offer.
In your GAL and Detachment, you have yet to demonstrate that you have begun to address your role in this sitch. Until you do you are not ready for reconciliation. I see a lot of control. I see distress because of your lack of control. Let go, let God.
Your sitch is far from over. You are nowhere near D.
As for these dreams? I don't believe they are magic. I believe our subconscious helps us see things that our conscious mind might conceal. I believe dreams can help us prepare mentally for what we fear to face. That's it.
Learn what Pursuit really is and avoid it at all cost. Pursuit causes pressure and will only work to drive H away. BTW, we all make mistakes. Understanding the dynamics of DB doesn't guarantee we won't slip up, but helps to avoid the slips. Work on you. Get to a place where you are going to be Okay regardless of what happens. This will not move you closer to D. Let H manage his relationship with his children.
You don't want him to think that you are simply waiting for his return. Be polite. Be mysterious. Men are attracted to W with unclear interests.
Nothing is more unattractive than desperation.
Let him go, to get him back.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
