He makes a statement that he’s bored with the routine and wants to get out and do the things he’s been wanting to do. Yet he spends his weekend being his same old boring self. Sleep by 7 pm on a freaking weekend. Not once does he go out and do anything that he claims will give him joy.
Think about it this way ... if there was an OW, then he wouldn't be falling asleep at 7 PM and spending all his time DOING NOTHING. He would be buying himself new clothes, spending hours at the gym and going out ALOT without any explanation.
This screams of depression to me. Which is part and parcel of MLC.
Originally Posted by Living
I’m wondering if all the reasons that he’s given me about why he wants out are a lie. Perhaps he just doesn’t want to be married anymore and wants to live the single life. He says BS like, I’ll always love you, I’ll probably be single for the rest of my life. Because if I couldn’t make it work with you, why would I try it with someone else. He’s convinced that leaving our home to go live in an apartment will bring him happiness. He’s nuts.
My H sprouted all sorts of hurtful garbage during our 3 MC sessions. He felt pressured into the relationship and the marriage. He didn't find me desirable anymore ([censored] that - throughout our marriage he couldn't keep his hands off me). He loved me but didn't think that was enough to fix us blah blah blah. About a month after he MO, we had one of only 3 R talks. I asked him why he said those things. He said because he was trying to validate how he felt. My interpretation of this - he truly did not know what was making him so unhappy. He couldn't say it was work because he has the type of job that people only dream of, he couldn't blame the kids, because that would make him a monster, so he blamed me.
So, in answer to your question, no, it is not a lie. In his head, it is all very real. He is unhappy so he thinks being single will make him happy. He is not looking to start a life with anyone else. I doubt he has thought the far. He just wants to escape his unhappiness.
Originally Posted by Living
I asked him how soon did he think it would be before he moves out. He said he wasn’t sure that it wasn’t a rush. Hugh? So you want to continue to stay in this marriage and be unhappy and miserable? He then said that he wants to wait until we finish the projects that we have to finish in this house. I said I can pay someone to finish them. He then says that it makes no sense to pay someone when he can do them.
Do you want him to move out, or are you just looking to move out of the limbo state?
If you don't want him to MO, then stop escalating.
H lived with me for 6 months and it was HELL ON EARTH. During those months I made myself so small I was invisible. I was a shadow of myself. I would not relive those months for all the money on earth. Is it better now that he is gone? Yes - he can be in the same room as me without scowling at me. I can come home without fear of whatever it is that he will have found that day to blame me for. I have had the space to heal. But we are further apart emotionally and we both now that it will be harder for him to come back now.
BTW - The anger has been replaced by a kind of platonic 'niceness'. This is my new normal and it [censored].
I don't know if any of that helped.
Your H is confused. He is depressed and he probably has MLC. You have a long road a head of you but reading your thread, I thing that you have the right tools already to make it to the other side, without or without your H.
